Have you ever just thought, "this time next year I'll have a full head of hair" and all the sudden its been a year and you're still pulling.... Of course. We've all been there.
When I was 14, for the whole school year I stopped pulling. Just stopped. I don't know why, I definately don't know how. I just did and my hair grew in. It was amazing. I loved it. I got my hair cut at the hairdressers and I felt good about myself. I wish that would happen to me again, that I would just stop.
I think about the future and I see a woman with thick, long, gorgeous hair who confident and is happy. That's what I think of my future. I keep waiting. But nothing is happening. I am not becoming that woman.
It's hard to live in the present. Because living in the present means you have to actually acknoledge Trich. Its better just to think about the 'woman' that I want to be. I catch myself thinking that I'll do things when I have hair or when I stop pulling. But what if I never stop? That terrifies me. I don't want to be this person for the rest of my life, but I can't seem to stop pulling.
What about a boyfriend... or maybe a husband (in the very distant future)?
I don't want somebody to have to date somebody with a problem like mine. It's not for me to decide. But what if they can't handle it. How hurt would I be? Extremely. I don't even think I could recover from that.
Why me? There are worse problems out there but this just eats away inside of you. Its hard living with Trich. And too often it hurts.
