The Uncontrollable Night

Have you ever woken up and realized you've been pulling your hair for what seems like a long time. For some reason the majority of my hair pulling happens a night.
Often I suddenly wake up and realize that I've been pulling.
Other times I'm half awake and it takes  a lot of energy to stop pulling.
In the morning, my head is sore and head.
Then all of a sudden you realize the front of your head is thinning.
Sometimes, I can't remember if I actually pulled the night before or if it was a dream.
It's hard because you not really awake and you can't stop yourself immediately and you feel horrible in the morning.

It's really awful because you literally cannot control it.

Big Step for me

When I was 11.

This is a big step for me. I am going to share some photos of hair from back in the day.

 

When I was 12

Pictures

I HATE TAKING PICTURES. I do not want to be reminded in the future of my hair pulling or that time where I was nearly bald. I don't want to look at pictures of me next to girls with thick, beautiful hair. IT DOES NOT HELP. I do not want to see myself. I know I look bad, I do not need proof.

Awkward Teacher Moment

I go to a boarding school and the students and teachers are pretty close. I was standing in chapel and my friend's step Dad who works at the school start picking something off my headband. I thought he was actually picking something off and I was a little self conscious but I knew he only wanted to help. But then he pull my headband down a little. Then I knew he was teasing me, which he often does... in a caring way. But that was UN CALLED FOR! He knows about my hair pulling. Gosh, practically the entire school does. So then I say "stop" quite loudly. Pull away. I think he knew I was really upset. Another teacher was staring at me. I got a bit upset and almost cried. But JEEZ WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT! I was humiliated.