Reality vs Wishes

Each night I go to bed thinking tomorrow will be better, I'll fight harder, I'll try harder. I start out great in the morning, going through my daily, tedious routine of getting ready (mainly doing my hair so it is acceptably covers what I don't want people to see). Its by 10-11 am that I start to pull, at first I don't notice, but I eventually do. And that's the worst feeling, the feeling of failure. You stop, you move on with your day. Then later in the evening, the hardest time, you're studying and you're pulling again. You stop, try a "tool" to distract but you eventually have to study again, and up goes the hand for the kill. You look in the mirror, you see no improvements even if you think you're pulling less. I wear a tight, large headband over the front half of my hair. The back is full, the middle is growing back but the front is awful. It's thin and there doesn't seem to be hair growing back. You think that after a week of trying you hardest you'll see some growth. Then your worst fear pops into your mind, "what is you pulled so much and damaged your hair beyond repair so it will never grow back?". You think that would motivate you to stop pulling, but your hand is sneaky. I mean, I try, I try all the tools. I can try harder, I am just so stuck in this pattern. And I was so desperately to stop, to let my hair grow. Wouldn't it just be amazing if there were instant results. But that's too easy. If I want it I got to fight for it. Be strong, one urge at a time <3

P.s. Thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for your comments, I read them and I smile. Together we can beat Trich!